Friday, July 13, 2012

My Grave






On Wednesday 11 of july at 10 am in Gorkega 45 -Maribor I died.
At least a big part of me, everything passed so fast, specially that seconds, maybe the worst on my life until now, I'll never be able to descrive what I was feeling that instant, it's just a big desear to stop the time to keep everything like it was before, to don't loose, to don't separate, to just don't wake up of this incredible dream...
All the things I was doing, all the life I had there, all my routine, the faces, the voices, the way to talk, the smiles, the places, the problems, the weather, the walks, the feelings, the views, the air... I'll never forget it, and that's what is killing me now.
I still can't believe where I was some days ago, what I was leaving, how, everything... I just have some little probes that it wasn't a dream, but still feels like, and I'm afraid, in my first night at my bed, I'm afraid about dreaming and believe I'm still there, with the people, with my life, my past life...
I'm looking for a song or something I can put to try to calm my self, but there is nothing... complete nothing can fix me now, and even going back there again is point less because isn't just the place, is the people, is the feelings, is... so fucking painful and sad to think I wasn't enjoying enough, but come on I did my best, I enjoyed a lot, I don't regret but still feels not enough, I wanted to stop the time, I wanted really to live the moment and I did, I DID, FUCK WHY I'M CRYING LIKE THIS SO???
Just trying to imagine a simple imagen to represent what I'm gonna miss... but it's impossible, there isn't just one, is a lot of memories, I should take a photo of every centimeter and every person... and every second, and all my self want it all back, it's complete irrational I know. But the feeling in my throw now that doesn't let me breath normal is so real, and I can't still face its all over, but I'm here, home, I'm happy some how but... please, I want to think all I passed worth this feeling right now, and I'm pretty sure it worth, but now just some people can understand me.
I wish we all will meet again, but I should be realistic... even like that, I want to think we will meet all of us together again in a dream, in each of our dreams, and we will be happy and together again, for an eternal dream.
I love you all.

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