Thursday, October 20, 2011

Getting away again...

One more time the same dream, different city, different family, everything complete different but always the same, get away in any way, run fast and far away, otherwise they will gonna kill us.
I dont understand why I have this persecution mania, my dreams became in nightmares, and my only objetive is keep alive the people that is with me in that moment, in all my dreams I don't care about me.
I'm improving my getting away skills, but my subconscious tries to make it more difficult every time, just like a training moment, like my subconscious is trying to prepare me for some thing in the future.
The reasons is always different, because I was born, because I will do some thing, because I'm part of some group, but never because some thing I did in the past.
I have too many years dreaming with the same getting away episode, when I was really child I was running for my life, my first fear was the dead, but some day I said to me: no more, and stop running, and I faced the fear in a dream, since that day I dont have more fear about my self, now is all about life of other people next to me. I would like to loose all my fears but that is imposible, a little days ago I was in the hospital waiting and them I started to feel fear again, it was so strange, I tried to descrive it:

Feeling again some internal and cerebral pain, again is not about me, is about some other one else and I can't do nothing, just wait, sit down here thinking and wishing everything will be ok.
What I feel is so hard to explain, like about to feel a big pain that never happen, and it's all in my mind, every thing I think make me feel worst, and I can't stop thinking. I really don't care about me, and think me on that situation don't make me feel nothing, it's strange but I always have the same way to see my life and others.

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