Thursday, July 22, 2010

them you realize…


well I want to start writing my blog in English, some times I think better or more clear in English than in Spanish because I feel my self different, its more like me.
And some times I like to start with “them” so this one will be like this:
Them I realize what was the true about she and I, there is two girls, one in the back of my life, one in the front, and maybe one that I cant see right now or more. The one on my back is that I wanted to forget, I tried, but that wasn't the solution. The one on my front, I thought it was what I was looking for, but slowly I saw that it was just me, just my way to shell me from the girl behind, just because I wanted to find her, but I think she isn’t, and I cant continue like this, Its hurting my self inside, all I did was because I truly  believe in what I was doing was right, and I would not change anything. I just see it clear now and decided that its best way for she and I, ‘cause I don’t want to think in what will going to happen if I continue in this way.
There was a lot of details that made me change my way to see her, I was waiting things that will never happen, and it isn’t her fault, its just that I wanted I dreamed and now I’m disappointed.

Life is like this I think to my self, I’m not the best person I said it before, but I actually know that all the things I did for her was directly from my heart, just waiting to see her smile, believing that it was all that I really need, all my happiness was growing from all that good things that I did for her, and them… Them I saw the true, its every time more hard to see her smile, its really expensive to see her passing a good time, its like a nightmare for me, ‘cause its the worst thing that could happen to me.

Pushing my life in one person, seams that if she  is sad I’m sad*sad , and if she is happy I’m happy*happy, and if she is happy just because you did something that made her smile you are happy*infinity… But what about if you pass a lot of days with her and you really can’t see smile or feel happy, you really feel like a crap, impotent, you feel like you want to die, that every thing has no sense, I cant believe that I did some thing like this, I’m stupid.

But now its time to continue my life, there is some things I have to do, friends I have to find, a life that I have to find and live, and think that it was a pleasure, but its over.

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