Sunday, June 28, 2015

Again another dream in a dream...

From what I remember it started again, like all other dreams, suddenly in a place that I remember like normal, with memories and this feeling I was living there all my life...
Usually my brain takes rooms or light memory from places I was really living in before at some point in my life, this time was my home in Bolivia, close to big windows we had, but the place overall was different, more destroyed and old, like I had more age than I have now, and maybe I was talking with someone I don't know, but I was sleepy in my dreams, and then suddenly again in another place...
This time was another place, with again, another memories and even another body, I was more wide, maybe fat maybe, and I was in my flat at university, exactly in the bathroom, and it's very weird but I was looking at me in the mirror and I couldn't recognise me, a wide guy with a different face, I think my brain just took my memories from me watching in the mirror and didn't match the memories from who ever I was dreaming.
So for a second I said, wait.. this is not me, this have to be a dream, it must be a dream, so I went out of the bathroom and walk in the corridor, there was plenty of people I've never seen, suddenly I felt like that guy's memory went out from me and it was me, not him, people looked at me like what's happening? and I was convinced it was a dream so I said them, this is a dream, I wanted to walk faster but I couldn't, I was saying again and again this is a dream, I can do what I want, and so I went against a wall and passed through the wall.
but still I couldn't walk fast, I felt my body very heavy, it was like my brain didn't wanted me to do whatever. There was a little girl, and some how I knew she could understand, I wanted to run to her but my brain was against it, and when I got closer I woke up in the other dream, where I was old...
Again in this first dream, I had the memory from the deeper dream and I was confused, because I was looking around and everything was familiar to me, I saw a TV, old but flat TV, more square than wide like now, and I could remember when I bought it and all the other things around me...
But when I said to my self, is this a dream too? my brain just woke me up.

My brain is the only one that really knows what scares me or my deepest fears, and I think some times it shows me that so I move or something, but it tried so many times that I got use to it and now I feel normal in my nightmares.
What I can't really explain is how do I have memories of other lives?

And now I'm sitting next to the window, looking to the moon, and some how it feels strange, like I had memories where there was no moon and now it just feels incredible, and also very big...

Monday, February 2, 2015

Piece by Piece - Strata




I found these plastic parts and wires
Let's split me open at the seams
And rip out everything inside
Make room for all these new machines
Sew me up and pray that I survive
A brand new me
Piece by piece
Stay here and watch me bleed
Watch me bleed
It's a brand new me
Piece by piece
I'll leave a black tear in the sky
To help you remember what you've seen
And then I'll set this place on fire
Just break and burn down everything
I'm made of plastic parts and wires now
I won't feel anything
Start the countdown
Just make me fall asleep
Stay here and watch me bleed
Watch me bleed
It's a brand new me
Piece by piece, piece by piece
My flesh, my bones, my blood
They hold my hate, my love
They hold my hate, my pain
Just take a breath and walk away
Stay here and watch me bleed
Watch me bleed
It's a brand new me
Piece by, piece by, piece by, piece by piece

Friday, January 2, 2015

No lo sabía pero soy también una persona inhibida

por causalidad vi una pregunta sobre conducta social que me describía y tirando un poco del hilo encontré un pdf que me describe en un 90%
http://www.cop.es/colegiados/PV00520/HS_1%C2%AA%20sesion.pdf
por lo que he decidido escribir aquí alguno de los puntos que me parecieron más importantes para mi, para recordarlos:



SUPUESTO ERRONEO
1- Es ser egoísta
anteponer las
necesidades propias a
las de los demás.
2. Es vergonzoso
cometer errores.

DERECHO ASERTIVO
1- Algunas veces tenemos
derecho a ser los
primeros.
2- Tenemos derecho a
cometer errores y a no
avergonzarnos por ello.

SUPUESTO ERRONEO
3- Si no convencemos a
los demás de nuestros
sentimientos, estaremos
equivocados.
4- Hay que acatar los
puntos de vista de los
demás.

DERECHO ASERTIVO
3- Tenemos derecho a ser
el juez ultimo de
nuestros sentimientos.
4. Tenemos derecho a
tener nuestras propias
opiniones.

SUPUESTO ERRONEO
5- Hay que intentar ser
siempre lógico y
consecuente.
6- Hay que ser flexible y
adaptarse
7- No hay que interrumpir
nunca a la gente.

DERECHO ASERTIVO
5- Tenemos derecho de
cambiar de idea o de
línea de acción.
6- Tenemos derecho a la
crítica y a protestar por
un trato injusto.
7- Tenemos derecho a
interrumpir para pedir
una aclaración.

SUPUESTO ERRONEO
8- Las cosas podrían ser
aun peores. No hay que
tentar a la suerte.
9- No hay que hacer
perder a los demás su
tiempo con los
problemas de uno.
10- A la gente no le gusta
escuchar quejas, es
mejor guardárselas.

DERECHO ASERTIVO
8- Tenemos derecho de
intentar un cambio.
9- Tenemos derecho a
pedir ayuda o apoyo
emocional.
10- Tenemos derecho a
sentir y expresar dolor.

SUPUESTO ERRONEO
11- Cuando alguien te da
un consejo es mejor
seguirlo, porque suele
tener razón.
12- Hay que ser humilde
ante los halagos.
13- Hay que intentar
adaptarse a los demás.

DERECHO ASERTIVO
11- Tenemos derecho a
no tener en cuenta los
consejos de los demás.
12- Tenemos derecho a
recibir reconocimiento
explícito.
13- Tenemos derecho a
decir “no”.

SUPUESTO ERRONEO
14- No hay que ser
antisocial, los demás
pensarán que no te
gustan.
15- Hay que tener siempre
una buena razón para
todo lo que se hace.
16- Cuando alguien tiene
un problema, hay que
ayudarle.

DERECHO ASERTIVO
14- Tenemos derecho a
estar solos, aunque los
demás deseen nuestra
compañía.
15- Tenemos derecho a
no justificarnos ante los
demás.
16- Tenemos derecho de
no responsabilizarnos
de los problemas de los
demás.

SUPUESTO ERRONEO
17- hay que ser sensibles
a las necesidades y
deseos de los demás.
18- Hay que ver siempre
el lado bueno.
19- Si alguien hace una
pregunta hay que darle
una respuesta.

DERECHO ASERTIVO
17- tenemos derecho a no
anticiparnos a las
necesidades de los
demás.
18-Tenemos derecho a no
estar pendientes de la
buena voluntad de los
demás.
19- Tenemos derecho a
responder, o a no
hacerlo

Saturday, November 22, 2014

Love and sexuality

This is a translation of an old post I made in Spanish some time ago.

This are some quotes that I took really serious from a text of (Enrique Rojas) form when I was in the school, before throwing all that papers I wanted to save some details and this is one of them.

The first big confusion is to identify love and sex. to any sporadic sex we apply the name of love like nothing.
Human love is a feeling of approval and affirmation of the other, through which life takes a new dimension.
What's to love someone? what does it means?
To love another person is to wish her/him the best, look after for her/him, treat her/him in a exceptional way, bring her/him the best that is around us.
L'amour est par excellence ce qui fait être
(Love is the most highest reason that makes exist)
To love another person is to want her/him to be free.
Help her/him to bring out the best that is inside her/him and make her/him feel happy, joyful, enjoying/tasting all positive that surrounds and goes through the existence.
All authentic love involves a desire for absolute.
if the essence of love is to be glad with her/him, abandone your self into her/him, then in a sexual relation without authentic love, one is only looking for his/her self and tends to isolate her/his self from the other.
True love makes more human to men, transforms the past and illuminates the future, it's a synthesis of physical, psychological and spiritual ingredients.
Sorry for my bad english translation but I tried my best :) 

Sunday, September 7, 2014

Memories of the future

Have you ever woke up and feel like you just save the world? or it was just a dream? how do you know? how anybody would know if you and more people were fighting for changing the future in a certain point in the past? and does it really matter?
I had several dreams, so real that I could steel feel a glass in my hand or the taste of a food when I woke up, so real that I had dreams inside my dreams, memories from other life, from other people, other places, everything as real as my own memories.
When I was younger I was dreaming a lot, some times it took me 5 seconds to remember who I am, where I am and when is it; I remember the face of my ex girlfriend once when I woke up and I couldn't recognise her for some seconds, I had in that moment totally another memory, from a life far away from here, in other language, other age, other body, and suddenly all of that information just disappear from my head in seconds.
But some times no, some times, when the dream is interrupted and I jump to this reality I can remember for some seconds part of that dream, and sometimes I can't forget it that easy because all the feelings and sensations were still there, so strong and real that I couldn't just say it was a dream.

Today I woke up and in my head was only one feeling, and it's so unusual and hard to explain that I can only compare it with the feeling of Sarah Connor in the alternative ending of Terminator:
August 29, 1997, came and went. Nothing much happened. Michael Jackson turned 40. There was no Judgment Day. People went to work as they always do. Laughed, complained, watched TV, made love. I wanted to run to through the street yelling to grab them all and say, "Every day from this day on is a gift. Use it well." Instead, I got drunk. That was 30 years ago. But the dark future which never came still exists for me. And it always will, like the traces of a dream. John fights the way differently than it was foretold. Here, on the battlefield of the Senate his weapons are common sense and hope.
...
The luxury of hope was given to me by the Terminator. Because if a machine can learn the value of human life, maybe we can too. 
More than a feeling, it's kind of a sickness, I imagine the biggest heroes of the world lost in some psychiatry center at some point of a time, trying to convince the world to enjoy their lives.
But you have to have a hard brain, you can't just jump in the time and change the future without having to asume so many things and also to not forget why you are where you are when you are.

Have you ever woke up with Cassandra syndrome? Well I woke up with a memory of my self, or at least part of it, where I was physically and mentally different, in a quite different life than mine, this is what the future history says:

Finally I did it, I couldn't continue like this, we came up to a point where money, power, status, and many other things doesn't matter, because at the end what matters is who you are, and I was what the society and time made of me, but I had it easy. Handsome, tall, really smart, I had it all, everyone I wanted, I was successful, but still, all of this did nothing but make my self worst, and when it came to the moment of truth, I find out that all I did wasn't enough, I needed some how to be born again and fight for it.
So then I had to go to the past and change my life from even before I was born. But why not just change the path? every instant an infinite number of paths branches from the moment we are, and as there is no real time but our consciente flowing trough it, you can choose witch branch to take, but to jump between branches is not that easy, specially if the branch you want to take is far away, and in my case it was like jumping from the branch of a tree to another branch of another tree in another city. I don't even know if someone actually did it, we don't have a way to know if somebody jumped from a branch to another.
Actually here we call it paths, and a lot of people wasn't that happy with their paths, so they decided to change their past to make their lives easier, and so everybody went to live the paths were they are actually happy. And much of the people came to this path, where we all are mostly happy and life is easy for everyone. So much that the only thing that became valuable is how you are, so the people who had it harder in the past became really appreciated.
But how do we change the past? well time travel is different than what we thought in the past, as I said, every instant there is infinite paths created and you can't change a path it self, you just can go back an choose another, like when you take an exit in the high way. The time dimension is not unidirectional so we find out how to move energy from one point time to another, as you move a box from the floor to over the table, every change in the time dimension requires a lot of energy.
But since we made the Sun-synchronous solar panels project, the energy problems in the world was solved, many other problems from the old world were solved thanks to this too. It was amazing how many people from the rich world started to help the rest of the world to reach the same level of life. They just needed to be totally free to do what they wanted, and it was to help others. A global conscience started to grow, the news changed from one day to another, people was being happy, it was beautiful...
But sending energy to the past wasn't enough, as there is no way to see parallel paths as far as we know, even tough we all jump from one to another some times, as branches touches one to each other when there is some wind, we needed to send our consciences to make a change that can ensure a change in the path we want to.
Our conscience is also energy, we all are energy, and we find out that actually almost everything with energy has conscience. The sun was one of the most amazing discoveries we made, conscience in scales that we can't even hear. Actually we are attached to a matter, an amount of energy at a different speed needed to maintain the structure of our conscience, it's shape defines our conscience as our conscience define it's shape, but all of this is energy.
Suddenly people started to send other people's conscience to the past in order to change their paths, also a big amount of people saying that they could see parallel paths started to grow, telling you everything you wanted to hear. But wether the changes in the past were done or not, the conscience that took the new path wasn't aware of what it could be; the time travel wasn't complete.
In my case I needed to make sure this information will get to me,  but when?
First I've send old enough people to change my past, from a very very long time before you where born, now a days this old people became also really important.
If everything went ok, you where born in one of the most poor countries, and your father was choose from one of the worst, also we made several changes in your body and brain when you where about to be born, so much that it's possible our mother would die in the process. By the way, as you are thinking now, yes I'm Spanish, our mother has spanish blood, it wasn't easy to track back our roots, I've spend years and years planing this. You are suppose to be born now shorter, but not so much, uglier but ok, with some genetic issues form your father, a highest Estrogen level to make sure you don't make the same mistakes as me, and some how less smart, but this one was harder, because there is a constraint that doesn't allow us to modify a path existence. All of this have to be done in the lates states of our mother's pregnancy, so you'll be probably born at 10 or 11 months and not at 9.
Your life will be hard and you'll have to really fight for all that you want, and you'll feel like you are the only one because you'll really be different than the rest.
But why do you know this now? People was sending their conscience to the point they were born but then it disappears as so many cells in the body changes over the time, specially when you are a baby our brain cells start to forget and create new memories, in a really fast way. Also sending it in an early stage was useless, when we are young we don't care too much about the future and if we speak about it people will think we just watch too much movies.
There is no way to make a copy of our conscience and send the copy, when a conscience is read is also destroyed, so literally we die, and what you receive is a memory, a dream, a knowledge that comes from no where, hard to explain and harder to believe.
And why I'm sending this to you? because of a person, a person so incredible that made me wish I could be born again. Because I'm at the end of my life,  and the moments I've spend with her was just too short, all because I'm not worth to, I had it too easy and she had it so hard, I couldn't reach her before, and when I got to show her my real me she passed away. We couldn't enjoy our lives together, and in this world, this is the only reason to exist, to love somebody.
Now we have an idea about what happen after death, our energy remains, our conscience and our memories remains in our decent,  it's the only way you and your beloved person can remain forever together.
So then I send this to you now, with one last message, find her! don't loose your time, at this point in your life you've probably become worthy, so find her!, love her!, share your life with her, she is the best that never ever happened to you, she is worth this and several lives more. I'd do anything to see her happy again, you can't imagine how important she is, she must be happy, nothing else matters.

Also the memory says that there is no way to say this is not true, because there is infinite paths, so there is no dream untrue.

There was a lot of other details that I've forget meanwhile I was showering this morning, I shouldn't wait too long to write it, I just feel like I knew this all my life.